My Dearest Ajoba

It’s been a long time since you’ve gone
Your touch has become a ghost, your smile a memory
Your chair misses you and your ashtray does too.
I tell you so that you know.

It's been years Ajoba
Since I visited your death
Since the doctors asked you to stop smoking cigarettes
And you started smoking beedees instead.

Your face stares at me from the faded picture
You are somewhere in the south
Your face restraining a smile,
the steel watch glimmering in the sun

Ajoba,
I hope your pain doesn’t eat you as it used to
I hope you are happy
Aji too has found her happiness
She cooks and she reads
She laughs and she smiles and then
At an unexpected moment her eyes become moist
When she hugs me, she holds on a bit longer.
I tell you so that you know.

Now she has lot many grey hair
more wrinkles under her eyes
She still sways when she walks
Her knees pain but she doesn’t moan at night
She still talks in her sleep and she draws better than ever
She lived Ajoba, while you died
And I tell you so that you know

I remember the day you came back from the coma
My little hand in yours
You told me you wanted to live
And you told me how much it hurts
I felt guilt in me, Ajoba
I wanted to share my years with you.
And I tell you so that you know

Are you now devoid of all the screens of love and want?
I don’t want to burden you with failures of love and loving
I just tell you so that you know.


My Summer-Vacation-Ajoba,
I can picture your sunburnt hair,
Your perfect posture on the reclining chair,
Twelve hours by road, as before
A newspaper on your lap, a cigarette between your fingers,
Trees sprinkling shadows on your face
Your gaze in the distance,
While and ashtray overflows beside you

The night has grown quiet and sleep has conquered eyes
Minds are wandering in dreams conversing with the distance
As far as the end of the world
As far as the other world
And I tell you this-
your life
I tell you so that you know.
While I am
Yours forever Ammu.