Anaahat

"Anything can happen anytime, it is best to be prepared."  As I read the y oung Rahel and Estha's theorem to live life,  a young me also internalized it as my life theorem.  To the young, this was a good enough method to deal with situations.  Making a bold placard of this, I pasted this on my bedside wall. I glanced at it everyday and  lived analyzing every situation and breaking my head to 'be prepared' for 'anything'. It didn't work. Because in principle, one cannot be 'prepared' for 'anything'. Life threw millions of surprises. At each instance, I scattered in distress trying to figure out how to best deal with the next one.  Eventually, I found shelter in spirituality - something I could hold onto that would not fail, that would not let me down, that would stand steady until the end. I read several theories and books and autobiographies by  wonderful spiritual explorers. Everyone harped on the same thing - the way to l

The journey of self-exploration being difficult, is the least I can say. I was in a similar journey six years ago. So, I know the feeling of some external force taking over my internal house and re-arranging the furniture (that I have so lovingly gathered) inside me. Still, knowing of a similar 'feeling' of a difficult path years ago, is no respite in walking it right now. If anything at all, it just adds to the weariness. When this time arrived in my life six years ago, I resolved to one thing - that I want to live each day happily, and if someone cannot add to that 'happy day' then I don't want to interact with them. I also believed that sharing my viewpoint is important because 'if I change, the world around me changes'. I would have this image that 'I want to be like a room without walls'. But, now I feel sharing is a double-edged sword. If there is no response, it hurts. If there is a response, I am overwhelmed with this weight of spreadi